Don’t try to belong! Be yourself!

When I was a little kid, I wanted to be an adult so fast so I could explore. Now, I am an adult but surprisingly I just want to be a little child again. Over the years, I have come to realize that many things don’t last. Come to think of it, not just inanimate things but even relationships don’t last forever. No doubt, there are a few exceptions provided your passion and focus aligns but the energy or even connection drops at some point.

So, all the things I admired and wished I had when I was a child and couldn’t get became meaningless to me at the time I could get it. There is nothing as great as being yourself and cherishing the you just the way you are. While you also watch yourself evolve to become the values you stand for. I’ve seen how so many young adults live the life of others just because that is the trend and they want to gain acceptance. And rather than focus on the evolution taking place in them, they welcome the evolution of those they want to be like. They become a second version of another person when they could have been the best version of themselves. They have lost themselves in a bit to be someone else.

Who are you? What are you? What do you stand for? These questions were always ringing in my head. I’ve had friends who I secretly wished I were them just because of the tangible things I saw. But what was unknown to me was the fact that they also wished they could be me. Truth be told, I’ve had identity crisis as well because there were times I just want to let loose and explore. And then, there’s this identity that people have attached to me over the years. So somehow, I have to live up to that identity no matter how difficult it could be. So for me, it was more of trying not to disappoint than enjoying who I was becoming. It was more of upholding values than building and developing values.

I practically became the type that had to rethink every decision I want to take so that those who looked up to me don’t fall as a result of my decisions. What a hard life! I had to be happy even when I’m not happy because of the many people who drew strength from my happiness. I was evolving all the while but I never really knew the me I was or the me I have attained or the me I was becoming. In fact, I had to do a retrospect to really understand what has happened in my life. Many times, I have to shed tears at the corners of my room because it wasn’t the kind of life I bargained for. I knew so much about many people but I barely even knew myself.

So, I decided that I was going to rebrand and that meant it would cost me some ships. Of course, I have weighed my options. I have categories of ships now and being able to identify their strength and how they fit into my life and space has made things much more easier for me. I know the ones who are friends with me because they love me for me. I know the ones who maintain communication with me because of what they can gain from me. And so, they fill me in on things and try to be there but deep within, it’s not about the ‘us’ but about how the me can on the long run build the ‘us’ to their benefit. In fact, I know the ones who came in just because they were friends with someone and the person is friends with me. So, in order to really know what is happening, they have to keep cool. And just because I am a very good observer, I just smile and relate with everyone regardless. The list goes on actually.

Do you even know your friends? How well are they helping your evolution? Friends are very much important but be mindful of friends who try to distract you from being the best version of yourself. I could remember a time, some months ago when a junior colleague celebrated her birthday and I was dared. Truth is, I like disappointing people who think they know me so well. The point is, they knew I wasn’t going to bulge and they respected me for it. Still, they put it across to me just to see if maybe I would do it.

Friends can either be a good or bad influence and what they are to you is solely dependent on how much of you, you have come to know. I don’t see why I should trade myself just because I want to please my friends or gain acceptance. From who biko?
The only person that I should please to accept me is ME. That’s right! The only person you should please to accept you is YOU! So, it’s time to APPRECIATE you, BELIEVE IN & BE you, CHERISH you, DRILL you, EVALUATE & ENCOURAGE you, FACE & FIGHT you, GROW you, HYPE you, INSPIRE you, JAB you, KNOW you, LOVE you, MEET you, NOURISH you, ORDER you, PRAISE you, QUALIFY you, RATE & REBRAND you, SUPPORT you, TRUST you, UNDERSTAND you, VALIDATE you, WRITE you, X-RAY you, YAY you and ZAP you! Because if you don’t accept and love the you that you are, you cannot work towards being a better you. And any friends and acquaintances who encourage you to be like them rather than be you is not worth a segment of your space. Be you!

Please leave me a comment! Thanks for reading

Author: Abigael Ibikunle

I am a lover of people and nature.. A passionate educator who enjoys public speaking. A writer whose writing can be triggered by any and everything...

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